SF Lyons

Hinch Rumour Denied

In other, pretends, the funny on May 28, 2005 at 4:59 pm

Family and friends of the late radio announcer, Derryn Hinch, are said to be “sickened” by claims emerging today that Hinch was a fair and conscientious journalist.

“Nothing could be further from the truth” insisted 3AW stablemate, Neil Mitchell. “Behind the public image Derryn was identical to his public image. He really was a pompous attention-seeker. In fact, his great – his only – legacy to journalism in Australia down the years was to lower the standard for the rest of us. Having to live up to his lazy, but profitable, muck-raking example has made every reporter’s job that much easier: It’s all that’s expected of us.”

Mitchell acknowledged that the less observant members of the public who started the rumour could have been misled by Hinch’s frequent talk of a journalist’s responsibility to the truth, and by his insistence that he wasn’t simply out to attract listeners with his outrageous and offensive comments.

“But no-one who knew him could seriously accuse Derryn of giving a stuff about silly abstractions like Truth and Humility,” Mitchell said. “No, I mean, he even wasted his dying breath demanding a state funeral and insisting that Douglas Wood is guilty. An extraordinary cockache of a man, right to the very end.”

Another shocking rumour, about Hinch’s alleged sexual predilection for pre-pubescent Vietnamese boys, was greeted with shrugs by close friends.

“How do you think he got the hep B?” said one ex-wife and drinking partner. “It was an open secret for decades that Derryn had a taste for “Saigon Chicken” as he liked to call it – I mean, them. Any Saturday night you could find him down one or another dark alley in Footscray, balls deep in a twelve year old and holding a bag of glue over the kid’s face. He didn’t like them to struggle, you see. Effort wasn’t Derryn’s way, really, in any aspect of his life, personal or professional. Except when it came to keeping his dungeon stocked – I mean, wine cellar.”
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This post was a response to Hinch’s spurious claim that Graham Kennedy had died of AIDS, made before his body was even cold. It had been an open secret for decades that Kennedy was gay, but Hinch treated it like he had a scoop. Well, he did, but it wasn’t a scoop of news – 19/3/10

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