SF Lyons

Dear Constable Super Goose,

In other on July 6, 2006 at 3:38 pm

Hi. How are you?

Internet cafes and public computers can be a real pain, can’t they? Uncomfortable chairs; cramped little cubicles; old, sticky keyboards; backpackers and their stupid accents and languages and sometimes even being fat; time limits that expire before you’ve finished looking at your webmail and you haven’t signed out…

Sometimes, though, they can be a thing of serendipitous joy, can give you a peek into a stranger’s life, such as when a slightly saucy photo intended for a lovers’ email is left in the pictures folder, or when someone leaves behind a floppy disc in the A drive and you get to check out an early draft of their super-secret military investigation, or when a member of the Victoria Police has been looking at his webmail, his time limit has expired and he leaves without realising that he hasn’t signed out:

From: “Super Goose” *
To: “Quimm”
Subject: RE: C*tyR*ils Tr*nsit Off*cers
Date: Sat, 1 Jul 2006 00:23:42 +1000


In the book of 50 most worthless occupations, working for Passmore** is listed as entries 1 through to 7. I’m picturing a triple chinned ‘know-all’ dressed in a Homer Simpson moo moo.

Mind you, working for the useless NSW fat fuckwit you sent down to Victoria is listed as number 8.

Want her back?

Super Goose.

Internet cafes and public computers can be a real pain, can’t they?

I mean, somebody could discover your deathless swiftian satire and put it on the internet. Even someone fat, if they could ever squeeze their bloated arse and billowing moo moo through the doors. Hur hur hur.

You gormless, semi-literate cunt-with-a-gun.

Warmest regards,



*Names and addresses have been changed to protect your correspondent.

**google won’t tell me who exactly Passmore is, but from the context I’d say he’s a knob at CityRail in Sydney.

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